


Not lost, but found.

by tyrionsonoftywin



Category: Scrubs (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Attempt at Humor, Body-swap, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, JD plays at D&D, M/M, Mutual Pining, Paralysis, Perry is a Mess, Slow Burn, Smut, Turk doesn't hate Perry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:20:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tyrionsonoftywin/pseuds/tyrionsonoftywin
Summary: Two Soul-Mates can swap their bodies, but their bond is essential for it to work properly.JD dreams of his Soul-Mate almost every night and his heart is full with love and hope; Perry thinks the whole Soul-Mates thing is a bullshit.(The title -and the story- were inspired by Joshua Radin's song "Here, Right Now")
Relationships: Perry Cox/John "JD" Dorian
Comments: 10
Kudos: 54





	Not lost, but found.

**Author's Note:**

> I originally posted this story yesterday and some of you may have read it already. I deleted it by accident while I was correcting some typos - it wasn't like I had kudos and comments anyway lol.  
> So, enjoy! (x2)

"Jamlamin! Jamlamin!"

Perry snapped his eyes open.

"Jamlamin!"

A guy was shaking him hard.

It took Perry a few seconds to realize that he was dressed like some sort of wizard, with a dark blue hat and cape of the same color. What was he doing there?

"Adokas, let him breathe." Perry blinked, seeing that he and the wizard were not the only ones in the room. There were two other guys. One had elf ears, a strange green vest and patched brown pants, while the other was dressed in a black, hooded tunic. Maybe Perry was dead? Was that the Hell?

He felt he was about to faint, and The Death had to notice, because he threw water (where did he get it from?) In his face.

"What... what..." He stammered as he put his hands on his face to wipe his eyes.

It was at that moment that he realized, with terror, that... that was not his face. He had no beard. And the nose was bigger than he remembered.

And if those guys were dressed like that... Perry looked at what he was wearing with some reluctance. He wore a long, sleeveless robe, black and silver. The legs sticking out of it were long and thin, as were the arms.

Instinctively, he put his hands to his ears. They were pointed, even though they seemed bigger than The Elf's.

Perry swallowed. There was only one explanation for all that.

"Jamlamin, are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost.” The Wizard said again, looking worried.

"I don't know ... I don't know what you're talking about" He looked around. He was in a rather small room, with a bunk bed and covered with posters. One, black and red, with a printed dragon, caught his attention.

 _Dungeons & Dragons_, it was written. Perry thought he had heard of it sometimes, but he couldn't remember...

"My head hurts," he complained. "Can any of you idiots bring me ice?"

The Elf opened his mouth wide. “They're not Jamlamin! They're his Soul-Mate!"

The wizard turned to him. "Oh! Do you think so?"

The other shrugged. "JD was very confident about _this_ year. I think he even talked to a fortune-teller."

 _JD_. Well, if Perry’s name was Jamlamin he would decide to use a nickname, too. Thinking about it, he didn't know what was worse, between Jamlamin and _Percival_.

"Ice!" He screamed. He felt like he had a jackhammer attached to his right temple.

The Death raised his eyebrows. "Shut up."

A shiver ran through Perry's back, who nodded silently.

The Wizard crouched beside him on the floor and held out his hand. "Christopher Turk."

Perry squeezed it without saying anything. "I am your Soul-Mate's best friend." He smiled, taking off his hat and revealing a black bald head.

"My Soul-Mate... Jamlamin?" Perry asked, still confused. He would have sworn that the Elf a had called The Wizard Adokas -or something like that-, before. Christopher Turk laughed.

"His name is..." He mimicked something with his lips.

"He can't hear his name, Adokas!" The Elf said, pushing him. Then he turned to Perry.

"Jamlamin is the name of his character in Dungeons & Dragons." He said, as if Perry knew exactly what he was talking about.

“Jamlamin is a Half-Elf Druid of LV. 4. He is one of the best players I have ever had the honor of meeting. You are lucky." Added the Death, solemnly.

Well, it was reassuring, Perry thought. A Half-Elf Druid of LV. 4. It could have been worse.

"Anyway, it's nice to have you here." Christopher smiled. "Do you want to play with us? From what JD says, the first body swap should last a couple of hours "

Perry raised his hands to his head. Now the jackhammer was inside his brain. "Ice"

The Death glared at him, and then left the room.

“Don't mind the Dungeon Master. I think he has a crush on JD." Cristopher reassured him.

"Yup. He always makes him find all the swords." The Elf agreed.

Perry sighed.

It would have been the longest two hours of his life.

*

JD took a breath as if he had been in apnea until then. He realized that he was lying down.

The first thing he saw was a rather young woman, who had a hand on his forehead. She had a stethoscope around her neck. JD thought he ended up in the campus infirmary, but the room looked like a hospital room. It was way too big. What had happened to him?

"Doctor!" The woman exclaimed when she realized that he was awake. JD wanted to say something, _anything_ , but no sound came out of his mouth.

Terrified, he raised his arms, or at least tried. He didn't feel them. And not even the legs.

He was paralyzed from the head down, as well as mute.

His heart began to beat wildly, he felt the sweat wet his forehead.

JD swallowed and prayed wholeheartedly for the nurse to understand that he couldn't move.

"Everything is alright?" She asked, tilting her head.

JD hoped his eyes were enough to communicate what was going on.

He began to grope.

"Okay, okay, calm down," said the nurse sharply. He put both hands on his shoulders. "Look at me. Breathe." JD followed her breath, although he felt himself underwater again.

“Blink once for no and twice for yes. Can you hear me?"

JD tried to do as she said. He blinked twice.

“Good." The nurse sighed. "Good." She repeated, more to herself than to JD.

"Can you move?"

JD blinked once.

"Oh no," he exclaimed, putting her hands through her hair.

Then it was as if she had lit up.

"Are you a doctor?"

J D blinked once. He was in the last year of med school. He didn't know where she wanted to go with that ques-

 _Oh_.

"Right, right!" The nurse let out a joyful cry. “You are his Soul-Mate! "

JD blinked twice even though she wasn't asking him. His Soul-Mate was a doctor, and perhaps that was the hospital where they would have meet.

She smiled at him, maternal.

"Everything is alright. He's not... he's not exactly a romantic guy. It may happen that you are out of control for the first few minutes. Try to talk, now. "

JD opened his mouth but, for the second time, no sound came out.

Again, he could not move even a muscle.

And suddenly he was sleepy.

"No!" He heard the nurse shout before closing her eyes.

JD found himself in a space that seemed infinite to him, completely black.

"Soul-Mate!" He called, putting his hands around his mouth. "Soul-Mate!"

"It is you?" A voice that sounded like his, though lower, asked for an answer. Sure. He could not hear _his_ voice. "Are you JD?" He looked angry. And near. It was as if he was there, a few steps away from him.

"It is you? My Soul-Mate?" JD asked, and realized that he looked like an idiot.

“You have to get out of my body, Jamlamin. I've spent enough time with elves and wizards, believe me"

If they weren't in an extra-corporeal dimension, JD would have blushed. He could not believe it. He had forgotten that he was playing Dungeons & Dragons the last time he was in his body.

"I can’t! I'm stuck, I can't move! Help me!" JD felt he was about to burst into tears, his heart throbbing. He would have never got out of there? Why did everyone tell him it was easy? It was not _easy_. Nothing was ever easy for JD. He was about to die in the body of his Soul-Mate without ever having met him.

He had dreamed of them so many times, and in all its forms. Like a woman and like a man.

He always imagined them beautiful, sweet, ready to listen to him.

JD sat down in a corner and buried his head in his knees.

He began to sob softly.

"Don't cry, kid" his own voice said, and JD looked up.

"I'm sorry, I can't..."

"It's my fault. Your body was perfect. " He interrupted him dryly. “It's all right, JD. Close your eyes."

JD obeyed.

"Can you feel me?" JD was about to say no, but a hand, a very delicate hand, began to stroke his hair. "I hope it's working, because otherwise I'm stroking Christopher" He chuckled softly.

"It's Turk," JD said, chuckling too. "I feel you, anyway"

"Good. Open your eyes, JD "

He did as he said.

"Dude! Your Soul-Mate is a doctor! " Turk shrieked when he found himself in front of him.

*

It had been a dream. A damned dream.

Perry sighed, putting both hands on his chest and trying to calm down.

After chatting with Christopher and The Elf, putting ice on his head and eating some sweets that the two had stolen from the canteen, he had found that experience almost not _absolutely_ terrible.

Sure, he was still processing the fact that his Soul-Mate was a male who went to med school and played to an odd role-playing game with custom and arrows –yes, he also had arrows-. And that, in less than a year, he would meet him.

What really shocked Perry, however, was hearing him cry and not being able to see him. He had heard that the common mental space was only for emergencies.

Most Soul-Mates didn't use it for a lifetime.

They had used it the first time they changed bodies.

When he awoke, Carla had told him that JD -and Perry, as a result- had risked dying. The kid had found himself completely paralyzed and mute, and he had managed to communicate with Carla only by blinking.

And then he went into cardiac arrest.

"He's brave," Carla commented when Perry asked her -just why _he_ risked dying- what happened.

"Yeah, I think he is. " Perry had cut short.

The nurse smiled. "I can't wait to meet him."

Perry had never inquired about Soul-Mates. He had never felt the need for it. He hadn't felt connected to anyone.

The only thing he knew, which was that about a year before their meeting the body swap would take place, gave him reassurance.

Every year, he repeated himself "Okay, I'm free for next year", and so it had been up to that point.

He had met Jordan, had married, had divorced.

What did the kid know about him? Nothing. He could not force him to start a family or who knows what else.

Some people were born without Soul-Mates. At the age of forty, Perry had convinced himself that he was one of them, but it had not been so.

And now? Was he free?

He had hoped that a quick research would give him enough answers.

In theory, you have little information about your Soul-Mate when you haven't met yet, Perry had read. You can't look in the mirror while you're in the body of your Soul-Mate -Perry hadn't even tried it-, but you can see yourself and touch yourself. You can't hear their name, but the nicknames apparently do.

 _JD_. What did the J stand for? James? Jeremy? Or maybe something much simpler, like _John_.

Perry intimated himself to focus.

When you speak, you hear your voice -Perry hadn't even thought about it, but it was true; he hadn't spoken in a different voice during body swap - although others hear your Soul-Mate’s.

In the common mental space, if you've never seen each other, the other is invisible and his voice is similar to yours. You can touch yourself, though.

The purpose - and Perry thought it was bullshit - was to learn to love them without knowing them, through the stories and their everyday life, and then recognize them once they were in front of you.

Between the first body swap and the meeting you could change your body two or three more times, without notice and at irregular intervals. From the meeting on, after a bond was established, the body swap would take place when both Soul-Mates thought intensely about the other.

These were things Perry more or less already knew, and he still hadn't found what really interested him.

Carla had told him that she had never heard of total paralysis combined with mutism, let alone cardiac arrest, during body swap. It could happen that people could not move an arm or a leg, but within minutes they had complete control of the body.

Not even Perry had found anything like what JD had undergone.

But he knew that any complications were attributable to him. His Soul-Mate had entered inside him and had come out almost dead.

He thought of how excited Christopher was, how well he had spoken to him about the kid.

And, inevitably, he thought back to when Perry had felt paralyzed, useless, while the kid was crying in the dark.

He lifted his left hand from his chest, watched it as he curled his fingers as he had done then. He felt his hair again under his fingertips, a little sticky, perhaps because of some product he had used.

He swallowed hard.

He didn’t feel that free anymore.

*

*

A few months had passed since their first body swap.

JD woke up immediately realizing that he was not in his bed. He hadn't passed out this time. They had changed bodies overnight.

A light but constant noise made his head spin.

A woman was sleeping next to him, on her stomach, snoring a little. Thanks God, she wasn't completely naked.

JD sighed and felt a squeeze in the stomach.

"Hey" he whispered.

It was at that moment that he realized he could speak. He tried to move - with his tail in his eye he managed to peek at the body of his Soul-Mate, and felt ashamed: JD was skin and bones, but he... he seemed muscular, toned - but he couldn't: he was still paralyzed.

He noted with amazement that he was able to move an arm, though it was still a little sore. The only part that felt as if it was his were the fingers of his left hand, which he curled smoothly. He looked at them, enchanted.

"Good morning," the woman said to him, making him jump.

"I'm not... I'm not..." He didn't know his name. "I am his Soul-Mate"

Should he have told her? He was not sure. "I'm sorry," he added.

"Oh." The woman raised her eyebrows, but then she snickered and held out her hand. "Jordan. I'm his ex-wife."

JD was confused, but at least he could move his hand to hold it. "I can only move this," he explained, hinting a small smile.

“I don't want to be in your shoes. He... he is not very _involved_ in this Soul-Mates story. "

Not that JD hadn't figured it out on his own, and not because that was the second person who told him but how much more so because his Soul-Mate was sleeping with his ex-wife. He wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"Do you want me to help you? What's your name?" Jordan asked, and JD nodded. She sat him, leaning against the back of the bed, with no small effort. That body had to be heavy. "My name is JD, however."

"Is this the first time?"

"The second. Four months ago I was completely paralyzed. We made progress, I think "

"Progress?"

"You know, the... bond. The attitude. Something must have changed."

Jordan glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table.

“I have to go anyway. You should call the hospital to say you're going to be late for work. I find you his phone. "

JD opened his mouth and then he closed it.

 _Work_.

"Fuck! I have a test today!"

Jordan got out of bed and started putting on her clothes. "You do? What do you study?"

"I'm in med school."

Jordan chuckled as he opened a drawer. "You know he's a doctor, don't you? He will do the test for you."

JD blushed. "We don't even know each other"

" He has to do a test for you, not giving you a blowjob in public." Jordan pulled his Soul-Mate’s cell phone on his lap. " Jeez, you're him but…it’s so clear that you're not."

JD took the cell phone and wrinkled his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Listen, I don't want to be mean but... he's an asshole. You, instead, look like a fourteen-year-old who is going out secretly with the bad boy of her school not wanting her mother know "

"Wow, that's oddly specific"

Jordan pulled on his shirt looking at him amused. "Well, good luck."

She went to the door.

"Jordan?" JD called her.

The woman stopped, surprised. "Yeah?"

"Why did you get divorced if ..." With the hand he could move he gestured to indicate the bed.

“The first time you used his body you were paralyzed. If you don't already know, you'll find out very soon, DJ.” She said bitterly, closing the door.

"It's JD," he murmured.

*

He had returned in his body without too many hitches that time.

Christopher had woken him up in a hurry, and Perry had refused to put even half of the hair products that he had given him.

He had felt his gaze all the time, though.

"What's the matter?" Perry had asked when he had put the only black shirt in JD's closet. The kid even had colored _socks_.

"Nothing" Christopher smiled and shook his head. "You're not him. It's strange"

Perry had nodded. It was normal, he imagined. "Have you heard of your Soul-Mate yet?"

"Oh, yes. A few weeks after you came. She is a nurse. She works in a horrible place. The Chief of Medicine is Satan himself." He tilted his head and Perry had thought it was curious how that hospital was similar to the Sacred Heart.

“She and JD are already friends. She calls him Bambi. She seems sweet. And she has nice boobs." He had added.

"Do you know her name?"

Christopher had shrugged. "I don't even know yours.

"Right. Perry."

Christopher had given him a big smile. "Come on Perry, you have a test to do for JD"

"At your orders, Gandhi"

Christopher had snorted at the nickname. "Turk, dude. Call me Turk."

"All right. Gandhi." Perry had chuckled. If Gandhi's Soul-Mate had a nickname for Perry's, he had to reciprocate.

Perry wasn't good at making friends. It never had been. His only true friend was Ben.

He didn't know if it was JD's body that had that effect, but when he wasn't himself he felt... light. He did not have to wear a tough, ruthless and tormented man's mask: he could be as he had never been, and maybe one day he would even play Dungeons & Dragons. All the weight, that weight that he had never noticed but that had always been on his shoulders, was dissolved. It was a good feeling.

"Hey there." His ex-wife walked over to the nurses' desk that Perry had leaned on to fill out a file.

"Jordan. To what do I owe the horror?"

“This morning I helped your little boyfriend. He could only move the left hand. "

Perry stopped and dropped the pen on the desk. He had completely forgotten that JD must have woken up in his bed with Jordan. Just the thought made him shiver.

"Could he speak?"

"Oh, yes." Jordan nodded. “And he seems like a good person. We all know that if he can't move it's your fault, but he hasn't complained once. "

Perry frowned. "Jordan..."

“Don't screw up, Perry. I'm serious. It could be your chance to be happy. I know it sucks but ... it could be nice. You know, for once. "

*

"Eh?" Turk jumped off the ladder attached to his bed and sat down on the ground.

JD sighed. “Don't pretend you haven't heard. I woke up in his bed. With his ex-wife. Paralyzed. But I could talk, at least, and move the left hand. "

"He is older than we imagined"

"Is that the only thing you can think of?"

Turk shrugged. "I don't know, dude... We are in medical school and he already has a job and an ex-wife. Maybe he has children, too. "

"This is our last year" JD pointed out. “And your Soul-Mate also has a job. And I don't think he has children."

Turk didn't reply.

"So? How is he?" JD asked suddenly.

"Oh, he's fun. I like him."

JD smiled brightly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. He calls me Gandhi." He chuckled. “He helped me in the test, too. I think he wants to seem tough, but he's a good person. "

"Jordan told me that-" JD stopped when he saw Turk's confused expression. "His ex-wife," he specified.

"Did you talk to her?" Turk's eyes widened.

"Yes. What was I supposed to do?" JD shrugged. "Anyway, she told me he's an asshole."

"Well, she’s his ex-wife. And she still sleeps with him. Maybe she just wanted to scare you "

JD shook his head “I don't know. She seemed... sorry. For me."

He couldn't stop thinking about it.

"Don't worry, VB." Turk patted him on the shoulder. "Let's go call those two dorks and have a session, would you like it, Jamlamin?"

JD smiled. "You can bet on it, Adokas."

*

That time, Perry only had to blink. A moment before he was on his sofa watching an ice hockey game, the next he was in JD's room, sitting at the desk with a book in his hands.

"God!" He cursed. He hoped there was a television over there. The Red Wings were ahead, at least for once.

"What is it, Bambi?"

Perry turned to hear Gandhi's voice. Now he called JD that way too?

"Gandhi, I'm Perry."

Christopher was sitting on the upper bed, and reached out to him. “Oh no, I'm his Soul-Mate. Carla."

Perry raised his eyebrows. "Carla?" He repeated.

It wasn’t possible.

 ~~Christopher~~ Carla gaped at him, surprised. "Perry ... Dr. Cox? "

"In flesh and blood" Perry realized what he had said and chuckled. "Well, not mine"

"I can’t believe it! You are Bambi's Soul-Mate!"

"Apparently. Is that so terrible? "

"Oh no, no! JD is awesome! I'm so happy for you! "

Perry swallowed. Anyone who met JD kept telling him how lucky he was, how wonderful the boy was, and he couldn't help wondering what JD was being told. Surely Jordan hadn't praised Perry, and besides her... well, JD would have noticed that Perry was alone. Provided he could move.

"And are you happy for him, too?"

Carla tilted her head. "What do you mean?"

“Are you glad he has me as Soul-Mate? I just think... maybe I’m not good enough for him."

“No way!” Carla smiled at him. “Of course I'm happy for Bambi. And he's happy too."

"Yeah?" Perry asked hopefully -but trying not to show it too much-.

Carla nodded. “My Soul-Mate spoke well to him about you. He’s cool with you, Perry. "

Perry thought how ironic it was that he had to rely on Gandhi for a good reputation with his Soul-Mate.

His gaze wandered across the room, as he had not yet had time to observe it properly, perhaps looking for something that would make him understand what was so special about JD.

His eyes fell on a stuffed dog watching him. Perry jumped. How had he not noticed it before?

"What's _that_?"

"Oh, it's Rowdy! You better make friends, there's no way _that thing_ comes into my house. "

Perry raised his eyebrows, but didn't have time to say anything that Carla asked: “What about my Soul-Mate? Did he tell you something about me?"

Perry shook his head grinning as he thought of Gandhi's words about Carla, the last time he had been there. "That you have nice boots"

Carla put both hands around Christopher's chest, pursing the lips. "Well I have, what do you say?" She chuckled.

Perry chuckled too.

"Carla?"

"Mh?"

"Thanks"

She beamed at him. “You owe me a favor. You take Rowdy. "

*

JD had been trying to understand the rules of that game for ten minutes, because he was pretty sure his Soul-Mate would have liked it. But he only understood that they were skating. But, staying on topic, he would have preferred to see Swan Lake.

He stretched out on the table and took the remote control, changing channels.

"Wait," he said aloud. "I can move"

He levered his hands to get up from the sofa, but to no avail. He was stuck from the waist down.

He snorted, but could not hide a smile - luckily, there was no one to see him-.

And anyway, he could always use the remote.

He zapped for a while until he found _Gilmore Girls_.

-

"Are you ready?" JD asked, looking at the hospital in front of them.

"Dude, we'll see them today." Turk rubbed his hands. "I'm sure."

"Do you think you'll recognize her?"

Turk nodded. "And you?"

JD did not reply and gave him a blow on the arm. "Let’s go"

JD entered the hospital with Turk by his side. He didn't have time to look around because a mass of curly hair jumped on him, embracing him. "Bambi!"

JD immediately recognized the nickname. He hugged Carla, and when he looked her in the face, he was surprised. It was her. The nurse who had helped him when he was paralyzed.

She knew who _he_ was. "It's you" he smiled. "The one paralyzed... it was me"

"I know, Bambi" she said, giggling.

Then her gaze shifted to Turk, who had been silent until then.

"Carla" she said, holding out her hand.

"Christopher. Turk. Call me Turk. " He stammered, squeezing it.

"Um, I don’t want to interrupt you but... where is _he_?"

Carla gave him a half smile. “JD, you have to go easy on him. He will be your attending."

JD swallowed. Going easy. He was good at going easy. He was absolutely not the kind of person who threw himself headlong into things. Going easy.

A whistle pierced his ears. "Newbie!"

He looked up and saw him.

He understood what people meant when he said you felt it was your Soul-Mate. Not because you have a vague idea of how their body is made, obviously that too, but it wasn't the main thing. You just felt it. You remembered all the descriptions of the thousands of love books you read of that moment, the first moment you look them in the eye, and every word seems stupid and empty. JD's heart flipped. The first thing he noticed was the eyes. It seemed impossible not to notice them, as they appeared to him as the only source of light in the whole room. And only source of heat, too. Everything else was out of focus, or maybe JD was passing out.

After a few seconds, his gaze slid on his strong jawline, he had a little beard hinted at, his shoulders broad, his muscular arms crossed across his chest.

He sighed to recover, and realized he was completely petrified.

Someone between Carla and Turk pushed him in front of his Soul-Mate.

"John Dorian." He beamed at him. "But you can call me JD."

"Perry Cox." He grinned. " You _have_ to call me Dr. Cox"

JD nodded.

"Let's go to place your first IV, Bethany."

JD hoped he was referring to another kind of IV.

He was wrong.

However, at least that day, he did not place any IV.

*

Perry Cox was not the type of person to reject his feelings; in fact, he would have said he was more the type to ignore them. He pretended they weren't there, he went on with his life until something, a tiny thing, warned him that hey, he wasn't a robot and yes, he had feelings too.

Usually, when it happened, Perry could do nothing but take a bottle of scotch, fill his glass and wait.

He didn't know exactly what: he just waited. He did not expect them to disappear at any moment; it would have been asking too much, and he had enough consciousness of the human psyche to know that it was not possible. He waited for it to hurt less, of course. That alcohol made him pass the pangs in his chest that tormented him.

The next morning the urge to vomit and the headache seemed to him somewhat more bearable than those pangs, and distracted him enough from thinking about anything else.

Then he would go back to ignoring.

He didn't know what had changed since the chat with Carla, but he had probably been trapped in his body for too many months and this had reminded him how bad he was. Living with himself was horrible.

He didn't want anyone to experience it, except him. Not even Newbie.

Newbie. Jamlamin. John Dorian. Whatever he called him - even with girls’ names - he could not get him out of his head. Carla would have said that he was _in love_ , because she and Gandhi were still in that lovebirds-phase, and they walked hand in hand in the hallways looking each other intensely in the eyes repeating how beautiful they were. It was disgusting.

Being around them with JD was almost painful for Perry. And since Gandhi was Newbie’s black wife and Carla was the only person Perry was able to endure, they were often around them.

JD said nothing. However, he said many things. But there was a huge elephant in the room, a topic that the kid carefully avoided: that, three times, he found himself in Perry's body. And Perry in his. It acted as if it never happened. As if he didn't know about it.

At first, Perry had been happy. If JD didn't demand anything from him, he could go on with his life. It took him a few days to realize that he had nothing to go on with: he was divorced and essentially alone. Maybe that's why JD had shown up now in his life.

If being in JD's body made him light, being with the kid was possibly even better. Perry had discovered that he liked to look at him doing anything. Eating, talking to his friends, listening to the music - and doing those strange dances, hoping that no one noticed, but yes, Perry noticed - and daydreaming by tilting his head to the side.

His enthusiasm for almost anything warmed his heart. JD was bright. He shone.

Perry swallowed and filled another glass, bringing it to his lips and...

Suddenly, he was no longer in his living room.

He was sitting on a bed.

Rowdy stared at him from a corner.

"Hey there" Perry greeted him. "How long, huh, buddy?"

Rowdy glared at him.

Perry realized that a kind of journal was resting on his legs, open and with a pink pen between the pages. He didn't want to be intrusive, but his gaze inevitably fell on the half-filled page.

_Perry Cox. Perry Cox. Perry Cox. Perry Cox._

Well, now he knew why he ended up there. What worried him was the fact that JD was at his house.

*

JD closed his eyes abruptly, sticking his tongue out and dropping the glass he didn't know he had in his hand. The taste in his mouth was certainly one of the worst that his taste buds had ever encountered.

He moved his feet, realizing that the glass was shattered into a thousand pieces and was still half full.

The realization took place after a few seconds.

He could move his feet.

He stood up. He walked, then ran, jumped, even hinted at a pirouette. He realized that he had full control over Dr. Cox's body. He didn't know exactly what he meant.

If he was there, surely Dr. Cox was thinking _intensely_ about him. While drinking something disgusting that made JD want to vomit. But he was thinking about him. Intensely. It was a good thing, wasn't it?

JD had followed Carla's advice. Going easy.

Everything could be said about John Dorian except that he was a patient person. JD has always been looking forward to everything: the test results, the new Dungeons & Dragons session, even the book finals, which he couldn't enjoy as he should have.

Twenty-six years seemed to him a reasonable period of time to have his happy ending, but he still had to wait. Having his Soul-Mate so close, by the way, didn't help him at all: he would have confronted Dr. Cox a month earlier, when he had arrived, if he hadn't been held back by Carla. And now he was there, in his house, and he could move.

He wanted to explore the house -not before he cleaned the mess on the floor- but in the blink of an eye he was back on his bed.

He blushed when he saw the journal open, realizing what his mentor had read.

But the embarrassed smile on his lips widened when he realized that, under the four lines entirely filled by Perry's name with his delicate handwriting, there were just as many full of scribbles. JD took the diary in his hand and held it close to his face, ready to read one of Dr. Cox's usual articulate rants about how ridiculous he was, but his heart trembled when he realized that, messily, treading all the letters, there was written: _John Dorian. John Dorian. John Dorian. John Dorian._

*

He didn't know why he did that. Perhaps because he was an egocentric and a sadist, who enjoyed seeing the expectations of others disappointed and making them suffer. In that case, he was certainly also a masochist: seeing JD suffering meant that he would suffer too, but it was a right punishment. Maybe he had done it because he was too old and could no longer hold the scotch as he once did. Maybe because that journal with glitter and unicorn on the cover was the most John Dorian thing he had ever seen and he just wanted to add irons in the fire. When in Rome, do as the Romans do, right? Perhaps because, and this was the hypothesis that frightened him most, it was all true. Being in JD's body made him another person. He still had to understand if this person was better than him, but he did things he would never do in his body. He felt good. Not judged. But he couldn't help thinking that JD offered him a "place" where he was safe from his ghosts, and what about what _he_ had to offer? A worn sofa and a bottle of scotch. That was Perry Cox.

However, for whatever reason he did that, he had no reaction: the kid, the next day, pretended nothing. For most of the morning, at least.

While he was filling out a folder, he looked up at Perry. The older man felt as if he was looking at him for the first time. He was staring at him , and he had been caught. It was nice to look at his hair, while Perry absentmindedly moved his fingers as if he had them under them, as when he hadn't seen him yet. He could not forget that moment. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

“I'm sorry for the floor. And the glass." Newbie stammered, so softly that Perry thought he had imagined it.

"Uhm?" He asked, trying to recollect the words he had said . "Oh. Yes, no problem. At least you could... move the hand."

JD frowned, confused. Then he seemed to remember something. "Oh. Now I move the whole body. Since yesterday, at least."

Perry swallowed. He was happy that JD was no longer paralyzed, of course, but... he didn't want the kid to get strange ideas. It was difficult to come to terms with his feelings while he was Dr. Cox.

"I don't know how you drink that stuff, anyway." JD added with a small smile.

"It's scotch, kiddo.” He grinned. JD never stopped surprising him. “It doesn't have to be good. It has to help you to forget."

"I guess so"

JD looked back at the folder.

And Perry realized he had just told him he wanted to forget him.

"Check the patients on your own today,would you?" He said, and, without waiting for an answer, went away...

...and then found himself leaning against the nurses' desk, filling out a folder.

He swore softly.

*

The immediate ringing of the pager brought JD back to reality. Obviously they had to swap bodies in the middle of an emergency. He had to hide. And, at the same time, to prevent even one person from seeing Dr. Cox hiding. And he was Dr. Cox.

He sighed. Where was the nearest supply closet?

Carla took him by the arm before he could protest.

“Where have you been? I'm looking for you all over the hospital! We need you in room 407!"

JD broke free. He was not ready to face an emergency.

Carla looked at him for a few seconds and opened her eyes wide. "Bambi?"

JD nodded. He was terrified. Carla, on the other hand, was very excited.

"Look at you! You can walk!" JD swallowed.

"I can't to this" He had tears in his eyes.

Carla smiled at him, reassuring. "It's all right, you don't have to-"

JD saw _himself_ hurtling in the direction of room 407.

He and Carla followed him.

She entered, while JD remained outside, trying to make himself as small as possible- as much as he could, in that body-. He watched him as he gave orders to the nurses, his eyes focused and confident, his hands doing a thousand things per second. The words Jordan had said to him, a long time ago, came to mind.

 _You're him but… it's so clear you're not_.

He wondered how people did not notice it. That was not JD. That man, that soul, shone with its own light. He had something JD would never have, and he didn't even know what it was.

When Perry left, after what seemed like hours to JD, he looked around as if looking for someone. And when their eyes met, he looked relieved. He gave him a half smile. JD approached him as if he was a kid asking for an autograph from his favorite singer.

"Straight on your shoulders, Newbie," He said dryly. JD's head was spinning. "If you make me look bad walking like a girl, you will pay dearly."

"You should say it was you," JD said. "It’s not fair that...I’ll take credit."

Dr. Cox laughed heartily. It was strange to hear your laughter that way. It was so the same. Yet so different.

“And let the whole hospital know that we are Soul-Mates? Listen, Nancy, I know you would like to hang the posters and write in your journal with the unicorn how beautiful our first kiss was, but-"

"I wanted to be nice!" JD snapped. Dr. Cox gaped at him. JD sighed. “I wanted to be nice. And to thank you. I didn't mean... forget it, okay? I'm sorry."

He passed him, hitting him on the shoulder with his.

After a few seconds, he found himself in front of room 407, in his body.

He noticed that he had his fists clenched, and his hands were trembling.

*

Perry sighed. "He hates me."

Gandhi took the glass from his hands and placed it on the bar counter. "He doesn't hate you."

"You haven't seen him. He hates me."

“I thought you didn't care about him. Not so much, at least. Besides, I know JD. He doesn't hate anyone."

Perry knew that Turk just wanted to cheer him up, but knowing that JD was so good that he didn't hate anyone made him feel even more nervous. "I don't care, indeed." he pointed out. "I'm just saying he hates me."

“If you don't care, can you explain why we see each other secretly? I feel like I'm cheating on him."

Perry glared at him. "If he finds out, he'll kill you"

“Are you doing it for me then? Oh, that's _so_ sweet!” Gandhi said, raising his voice a few octaves.

Perry snorted. "Maybe I care, a little."

"Oh, see? It's not so bad to have feelings."

“I don't think he likes me anyway. I mean... he never mentioned that we are Soul-Mates. The only time that he said something was today when he apologized for the floor. Before he started to hate me."

"Here we go again!" Christopher rolled his eyes. "If you went to JD's house now with a bouquet of roses it would jump on your neck"

Perry looked at the glass held in Gandhi's hand, unconvinced.

"He didn't say anything to you because he was waiting for you to do it!" He exclaimed. "You are two idiots!"

Perry shook his head. "Did he tell you?"

"I know JD. He doesn't need to tell me when he has a crush on someone"

"Well, you haven't talked to him yet. Now, he hates me."

And he was right, Perry thought. But he didn't say that.

*

"I think he hates me" JD complained as he looked at the ceiling, desperate.

"Of course he hates you” Elliot agreed, before Carla nudged her. "Ouch!" He complained. "What was that for? He hates everyone! Especially the interns!" She received another nudge.

JD almost chuckled. Almost.

“To him, I'm a stupid intern. He is ashamed of me."

"JD!" Carla exclaimed. "You know that's not true"

JD thought about his gaze that morning. It was his eyes. Those he saw in the mirror every morning. Yet somehow they weren't his. It was Perry's. Those he had met on the first day he had arrived at the Sacred Heart.

He swallowed.

He couldn't blame him, however. JD _was_ a stupid intern. It was normal for Dr. Cox to be ashamed of him. He was one of the best doctors around, JD was sure of it. And he had a reputation. How would everyone react knowing that his Soul-Mate was an idiot who had had nurses place IVs for him his first week?

But then, he thought of that tangle of letters, the letters of his name, which Perry had left in his journal. JD felt like that tangle.

"Bambi, are you okay?" Carla teased his leg.

JD sighed.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."

*

"Dude, it's my _birthday_ , you have to come!" Well, Gandhi hadn't said there was karaoke.

Luckily, they were all drunk enough to leave him alone and the pub was slowly emptying.

At least until JD stepped onto the stage barely standing.

"This song" He announced solemnly, "This song… is for a person"

His gaze caught on Perry's without him wanting it. He looked at him like he had never did. It looked like another person.

The music started and JD jumped, visibly happy.

" _I want you to want me_ " He began to sing, completely out of tune.

" _I need you to need me_ " He did something that was supposed to be sexy -in his head- against the microphone stand. Perry laughed. JD laughed too.

" _I'd love you to love me, I'm begging you to beg me_ "

" _I want you to want me, I need you to need me_ " He kept watching him as he hopping from one side of the stage to the other, daring highly questionable poses. _"I'd love you to love me!"_

The music changed pace, and JD was too drunk to sing so fast, so he only ventured a _"....if you saaaaay that you love me!_ " at the end of the phrase.

_"Didn't you, didn't you, didn't you hear me crying?"_

Perry knew what he was doing.

"JD, the song's not like that! Barbie yelled from the counter. "It's _Didn’t I, didn't I, didn't I see you crying"_

"I like it better this way!" JD protested. "And Dr. Cox agrees with me!"

The basis of the song continued, but the looks of the “public” were no longer fixed on JD. They were fixed on Perry.

He raised both hands. Maybe he could still get away. "Yeah. Obviously. Go on."

“Put it back! Dr. Cox wants to sing with me!" JD yelled, and Perry wondered if the technician was deaf.

"Oh no, Kylie, no!" He shook his head several times, but JD jumped off the stage with the microphone in his hand. Perry didn't know how it was possible but the boy managed to trip over his own feet and fall into his arms. Perry smiled at him, causing him to stand up.

There had never been much contact between the two of them.

It could happen that they would touch on each other, but they had never _really_ touched. JD was hot and sweaty.

Perry felt... overwhelmed. Electric.

JD inclined his head and offered him a lazy smile.

He held out the microphone and Perry shook his head, chuckling. "I never sing, Stephanie"

JD pouted. "You are boring"

"Dr. Cox! Dr. Cox!" Barbie urged on to start clapping.

Carla and Gandhi soon followed her.

It didn't take long for Todd and Nervous Boy to shout his name too.

JD took him by the arm, dragging him onto the stage.

Normally he wouldn't even be able to get him out of his chair, especially if he was drunk, but Perry let him do it.

 _"I want you to want me!"_ He screamed like a chicken who was being tortured.

 _"I need you to need me"_ Perry replied uncertainly.

JD started spinning around him. He was ridiculous.

But, in a way, he was cute. Sweet.

He was thinking at himself as a great seducer in that moment, and Perry had to hold back his laughter to keep him believing it. _"I'd love you to love me!"_

 _"I'm begging you to beg me!"_ Perry got carried away by the music.

He felt that sensation again. He felt light. But, for the first time, it was in his body.

 _"I waaaant you to want me, I neeeeeeeed you to need me!"_ JD was _so_ close. Perry could have kissed him if he had taken a single step towards him. _" I'd love you to love me!"_

 _"I 'll shine up my old brown shoes, I'll put on a brand new shirt, I'll get home early from work."_ He sang alone, and JD played his imaginary guitar and threw himself on the ground like a rock star. _" ...if you saaaaay that you love me!"_

 _"Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I hear you crying?"_ Perry also decided to change the lyrics of the song. It was much more _theirs_ , like that. He didn't even know there was a _they_ , before. But he could get used to it. _"Oh, didn't you, didn't you, didn't you hear me crying_?" JD replied, excited that Perry understood. And how could he not understand? He had heard him cry even before he saw him.

 _"Feelin’ all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dyin’_ " He glanced at the birthday boy, who clapped his hands excitedly. He half smiled. Was this what it felt like when you felt... _at home_? In _family_?

_"Oh, didn't you, didn't you, didn't you hear me crying?"_

*

"It's impossible. I didn't do _that_. " JD was trying to rearrange the images that were spinning in his head while he drank the tea that Carla had prepared for him.

"Oh yes, Bambi. You really did it. And he was... "

"...beautiful" JD finished the sentence for her while the vivid memory of Perry singing with him appeared in front of his eyes. "He was beautiful"

Carla smiled and ruffled his hair. "He was, Bambi."

And he was also beautiful that day, at work, even if his eyes were hollowed out of dark circles.

JD didn't know whether to mention the night before, even if he wanted to.

Before he could say anything, however, Dr. Cox frowned.

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

JD bit his lip. "More or less, yeah."

He sighed. "If you dare to tell anyone..."

"No. Of course not." JD interrupted him. "It was just a karaoke"

"That's the point. I don't do karaoke." He said dryly.

JD nodded. "Right."

"Well, Dr. Cox, it's not exactly _karaoke_ when you change words." Elliot leaned against the nurses' desk to pick up a folder.

"What did you just say?" Dr. Cox predictably glared at her and gritted his teeth.

Elliot shrugged. "I said it's not karaoke when you change the-"

"Elliot!" JD squeaked and then waved her off. His friend, perhaps still a little excited about what she had seen the night before -JD remembered her surprised expression and her screams while they were singing in vain- picked up the suggestion. Even if it was too late, because Dr. Cox was already about to electrocute her.

JD knew he had to do something or her friend would be brutally killed. Before he let himself be carried away in a fantasy in which Dr. Cox tore Elliot’s body to pieces, however, the older man mumbled something and left.

Elliot raised her eyebrows. "I'm alive"

JD was as upset as she was. “You should avoid him for the next few hours. Days. Months. Years."

"So I can't come at your wedding?" She teased him.

JD looked around to check that no one heard him.

"You can be the maid of honor without telling him" He whispered, then smiled.

*

Perry came out of the hospital with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. After taking a few steps towards his car, he saw Newbie having a heated argument with his.

"Come on, Malik!" He urged, as if he could solve the situation in some way.

It was automatic for Perry to whistle to call him. "Hailey!"

He turned. "Dr. Cox! "

Perry pulled the car keys out of his pocket. "Do you want a lift?"

JD brightened and smiled, nodding.

Perry's heart quickened a few beats.

"Thanks!" He exclaimed, approaching. Perry turned on the car and got in, waiting for him to do the same.

He tried to concentrate on looking at the road, keeping his hands firmly on the wheel. But it wasn't that easy with JD on the side. Not that he was a guy you couldn't take your eyes off. But his presence made him nervous.

Because of the night before.

It made him nervous because of the night before.

"So the car decided to leave you?"

JD, perhaps lost in one of his fantasies -and Perry wondered what there was to fantasize so much-, took a while to answer. "Malik. Yes. I don't know what happened"

Perry smiled at hearing the name of the car, though he should have made fun of it. It was absurd how, when he was alone with him, everything was different and also the same.

“I could have called Turk, however. You didn’t have to... you know. " JD looked uncomfortable. "I don't want you to feel obligated to do something for me just because we are-"

"Just because we are Soul-Mates?" Perry asked, feeling a kind of grip on the stomach. It was the first time that they mentioned that word, and it hovered between them, making the atmosphere suddenly heavy. “I didn't feel obligated, Newbie. It's just a lift, isn't it?"

"Sure," JD nodded. "just a lift."

“Good”

*

JD lightly touched his shoulder. He felt his fingertips in contact with the fabric of his jacket.

“It’s there” he whispered, and he didn't even know why he was whispering. It was as if they were in a bubble all of their own now, and JD was afraid of blowing it up even if he raised his voice too much.

Dr. Cox pulled up to his house. JD opened the door.

"Thanks again."

He nodded.

JD got out, walking towards the door.

He heard the car go.

He closed his eyes and sighed.

How in the world was possible that he was already missing that albeit, silent presence beside him?

He almost had a heart attack when he suddenly found himself driving Perry's Porsche.

He braked immediately, slamming his chest against the steering wheel.

After a few seconds, he heard a knock on the window.

He turned his head to find himself looking at him with an annoyed expression.

Before he could open his mouth, Dr. Cox had take his seat, starting to drive.

"Let's go to my house until we get back into our bodies" He said. It should have been a question, but it sounded more like an imposition. JD did not reply.

After another few minutes of silence, in which JD could only hear their constant breaths and the noise of the car, he parked.

They were out of his house when Perry finally spoke.

"The keys are in the pocket" He said flatly. He used tones that JD didn't believe his voice ever had. The younger one took them, opening the door.

The house was like the last time and the ones before, but JD felt intimidated by being there with him, even though he wasn't him and JD wasn't JD.

He sat on the sofa, watching himself go to the refrigerator. It was strange. He could not understand how different he was from him, even in walking.

"Do you want a beer?"

"No, thanks"

However, he returned with two beers, handing him one.

"My body likes it." He said, nodding a grin that was not JD's grin, but his.

*

JD's body, on the other hand, didn't like beer. Perry felt his head spin and he hadn't even finished it.

"Are you ok?" The kid asked, and Perry had to hold back his laughter. It was strange to see him in his body. He was another person, even more insecure than he normally was. He had a strange way of speaking, walking or raising his eyebrows. He couldn’t explain it.

"My body" He began. "How do you feel it?"

Newbie did that strange thing with Perry’s eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

Perry had been thinking about it for over a year. "It's feels like a trap, doesn't it?"

"It doesn’t!" JD snapped, Perry's voice rising a few octaves. "Why do you think that?"

"I don't know" he admitted, shrugging. "We are... we are the opposites. I just figured out that if I feel light, free, you had to feel…trapped"

"Do you feel... _how?"_

Oh, the kid had no idea.

“As if I could do what I want. Without being Dr. Cox, you know?"

Perry thought it was strange, and it was probably alcohol that did it all for him, but he put a hand on his own cheek, which was JD's cheek.

As he looked at those eyes, they seemed too bright to be his.

"What do you want to do now?"

He closed his eyes. "Maybe your body should get used to the beers."

He heard JD chuckle. "Maybe."

He came a little closer, just enough for him to feel his nose brush against JD's.

Because, suddenly, it was his nose. It was in his body.

JD's eyes widened.

Perry wanted to erase that flash of disappointment that crossed his face.

"Anyway, it’s not a trap" The kid said.

"No?"

JD shook his head. "I feel important"

"And now don't you feel important?"

JD bit his lip.

"And you? Do you feel free?"

Perry jumped up from the sofa, scared of that conversation. Hell, yes, he was scared.

"I'll take you home."

**\--------------------------------------------------------------------------**

The months passed faster since then. Before he knew it, JD had finished his internship and was already halfway through his first year as a resident.

The relationship with Dr. Cox hadn't changed since that evening - now a little blurry in JD's mind- and he hadn't done anything to change it either. He was scared. Perry had never shown him that he wanted to start something with him, but it was true that they were exchanging bodies at least two or three times a week, even more than Carla and Turk -even if JD suspected it was because, spending so much time together, they had little chance to think about each other when they weren't in the same place. He was not yet able to understand why Dr. Cox thought of him so much, however. Most of the time, JD found himself doing perfectly normal things: cooking, watching a game on TV, _drinking_. Sometimes he was with Ben, Dr. Cox’s best friend. He was nice.

There were some pretty embarrassing moments when JD would find himself staring at Perry in his body. Which means that Dr. Cox was staring at him. He thought it was normal for Dr. Cox to think of him, if he entered his field of vision.

He had once found himself in the on-call room looking at the ceiling. He had wondered how the ceiling made Dr. Cox think of him, and noticed a strange damp spot that could remember his hair. The times he found himself checking patients were the most complicated. They obviously expected JD to know all about their condition -and JD didn't even know their name.

As for JD, there was little to say: he had a crush. He always thought of Dr. Cox because he couldn't do anything else. And seeing the world from his eyes, when it happened - the empty house, the chats with Ben, the smiling patients who thanked him, living proof of how much Perry cared about people- warmed his heart and did nothing but fuel that feeling.

For him it was also fine: it was more than a year and a half that he was satisfied with those crumbs, and perhaps the relationship with his Soul-Mate had to remain that. JD would suffer all his life, but maybe one day he would touch his shoulder again with his finger. It was worth it, wasn't it?

*

During that year and a half Perry had tried to ignore his feelings as best he could: but it had become difficult. Unsustainable. Not even sleeping with Jordan for a few months had helped, in fact, it had only made him feel guilty, as if he was cheating on the kid.

It would have been easy to blame him, but JD had done nothing. Maybe this was what drove Perry crazy. He had been described to him - and then he had proof that yes, he was so - like a romantic dreamy kid, _involved_ in that Soul-Mates story. But with Perry, he seemed anything but _involved_.

There was no point in denying that they exchanged bodies... a lot of times.

Two or three times a week for a year and a half? Perry had read that there were very few cases like this. It was not enough to think to exchange bodies, or every person in love would have spent the rest of life in the body of his Soul-Mate. At that moment there had to be a particular bond, an uncommon intensity of intertwining thoughts - or so the book he had found in the library said.

Apparently, he and JD had it. And that was how Perry found himself bathing a stuffed dog, shopping with a list that always lacked of something and hearing Barbie's complaints about her new boyfriend.

He wished it was terrible: he wanted to hate him.

But he made a sensational discovery: it was impossible to hate JD. He was an idiot who did stupid things, but sometimes he left him notes in his jacket pocket, like " _Hi Dr. Cox, I'm sorry about the last time, Elliot can be annoying_ " or " _I had fun with Ben yesterday! Thanks for washing Rowdy!_ " and Perry really wished he could say he didn't find them adorable and that he made fun of him for the way he wrote capital letters but he couldn't. His heart was full. As he never had. Full of fondness.

And JD would never know.

*

JD looked at the vibrator carefully.

"What am I supposed to do with _this_?"

Turk raised both eyebrows. "Just make it disappear"

"Where did you get it?" JD quickly took it from him.

“It's Carla’s. I found it in her drawer. "

JD's eyes widened. "Dude, it's ... _huge_ "

"I know" he sighed. "Do you think it's normal to be jealous of a vibrator?"

The other shrugged. "I don’t think so"

"Me neither. Well, make it disappear"

JD didn't think it was too difficult: he closed himself in his room with the vibrator and lay down on the bed. Inevitably, his thoughts went to Dr. Cox.

He narrowed his eyes. Maybe it was the vibrator that stared at him from the bedside table or the fact that it was since he had known him that he hadn’t… _contacts_ with anyone, but his right hand, a little sweaty, unbuttoned his jeans and slipped under the boxers.

He imagined -and if there was one thing he was good at, that was daydreaming- that this was Perry's hand, and he let out a groan as he walked slowly over his cock. Just as he arched his back, JD found himself in another bed. His first thought was that Dr. Cox would find that he was masturbating thinking about him, and he felt sick.

But when he opened his eyes, he almost screamed in surprise: his hand -Dr. Cox's hand - was clinging to his penis.

There had to be a mistake. This wasn’t possible.

JD didn't even have time to get up and look in the mirror to verify that it was really in his mentor's body, that the scenario around him changed again: he was back in his body, surrounded by nothing but black.

In front of him, Perry looked at him with an expression comparable to his, summing up the embarrassment, the surprise and the... happiness, somehow.

"Wasn't _this_ just for emergencies?" JD managed to stammer, looking around. Stupid question to ask, when you have just discovered that your Soul-Mate is at least, just a little bit, aroused by you. In fact, Perry laughed.

“Apparently it was an emergency. The vibrator on your bedside table would think so."

JD flushed violently. "I... I didn't want... it's not mine"

Not that he hadn't thought of that.

"Sure" Perry said ironically as he approached.

He looked different. Maybe it was the mental space. Maybe JD was dreaming.

"Give me a pinch"

He looked at him with the sweetest eyes JD had ever seen. And he smiled.

It wasn't like when he had a brilliant idea for a diagnosis, or like when a patient who was getting worse suddenly got better, or like when the Red Wings won a game, or like when he had some time to watch the new episode of _The days of our life._

No.

It was different.

He shook his head.

JD blinked.

"Newbie" Nothing ever sounded sweeter, to JD.

“If it's a dream I'm dreaming too. So I won't give you any pinch, okay?"

JD swallowed again. He was… very close. It was no longer so dark around him as he looked Perry in the eye. And, fine, this was the most sappiest thing he had _ever_ thought, but it was the truth. He didn't have to say it aloud, though. 

He felt his heart, his wrists, his head, his whole body throbbing. Even though they were in a dimension where JD wasn't sure he was actually in a body.

"I don't want to wake up." The words came out of JD's lips in a whisper.

"I know." Perry nodded, and his hand reached out to caress JD's hair.

Like that time.

JD felt electric.

"You and me both" he said.

*

JD parted his lips.

Perry looked at him, put his hand down on his cheek, then on his neck. He felt on fire. JD lowered his head, not breaking eye contact, and kissed his palm.

He moved a little closer, and to Perry he looked scared, as if he feared that at any moment everything could vanish. Perry feared it too.

The kid's large, bright eyes so close caused him to shiver behind his back

Perry kissed him like he never kissed anyone.

JD seemed to him the most fragile thing in the universe. He was afraid of breaking him. Perry always broke everything.

The kid put his hands behind his neck before returning. Perry felt his body cling to his like a perfect fit, and JD's heart pounding against his chest as much as Perry's.

When they both broke away to catch their breath, JD smiled.

Perry rested his forehead on his.

"I've been waiting for this moment since I could only move these," JD said, interlacing his fingers with Perry’s. He didn't seem angry, though. Just... relieved.

"I thought you hated me," Perry confessed.

The younger one shook his hand a little stronger, looking at him amused. "Me? You're the one who yells at the other, between us."

"Be careful what you say, Joanna"

"You are threatening me?"

“Technically, nothing happened. What is this? It doesn't make sense, we didn't really kiss- "

JD's lips stuck to his, still wet. It was a pretty satisfying answer, because Perry was sure he was feeling enough at the moment to make it real.

JD broke away –too soon for Perry’s sake- unable to stop smiling.

Perry still had to get used to think it was him, the cause of that smile.

"You will have to thank Turk for this"

"Why is that?"

“He gave me the vibrator. I wouldn't have used it anyway. "

Perry raised an eyebrow, smirking. "No? And why not, Newbie? Don't tell me you are the top, because we would have a little problem in that case"

"Idiot" He teased him, punching him on the arm. "No, it's that... I'm not a big fan of plastic."

Perry, who did not expect that allusion, looked at him with his mouth open.

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"That I don't forget the conditions in which you welcomed me into your body today" His voice was now much lower. Perry had never seen him like this. And he would have lied if he said he didn't like it.

"I could say the same about you"

"Are you complaining?"

Perry raised a corner of his mouth.

He pulled JD into another kiss, this time different: Perry felt a fire flow in his veins, and he stuck his tongue in the other's mouth as if he depended on it. The younger one took off his shirt, his fingertips running down Perry's hips.

JD looked at him from head to toe, a twinkle illuminated his eyes.

"Better to see from this perspective, you know?" He said between kisses.

Perry grinned. "I guess so."

His hands went down on the kid's hips, stripping him of his shirt. God, if he was gorgeous.

He unbuttoned his pants. Oh, he never imagined they would do it in a black space. There was not even a support. But maybe the floor wasn't so bad... they were in a brain. Or something like that.

"How..." JD seemed to have read it in thought.

"I don't know, Newbie." Perry sighed.

"Oh, I have an idea," he said suddenly, undoing his belt which fell into the dark with a thump.

Perry was still confused when JD lowered his pants and then his underpants.

*

"Oooooh, yeah, great idea" Perry moaned as JD took his penis in his hand, stroking him slowly. He had seen it before, but... holding it? Feel it twitch under his fingers? He had never felt better.

Perry was magnificent, and JD couldn't believe he was really there -wherever _there_ was- at the time. With him.

Perry's breath on JD's neck, hot and heavy, became more labored as he moaned in a voice so weak that JD had difficulty recognizing it. The older man leaned against him, his forehead on his shoulder, as he put a hand down into his boxers.

"Oh, oh, fuck, Perry!" JD exclaimed, taken by surprise.

It was abrupt, and JD unconsciously stopped stroking him, excited, letting go of a whimper .

Perry bit his shoulder in protest. "Don't ...stop... " He grunted against his skin.

JD obeyed, increasing the speed.

"Not a chance” He moaned, when Perry did the same thing.

JD put a hand through Perry's hair, his face buried in the hollow of his neck, pulling it. The other moaned.

"Yeah, just like that, just like that" he whispered in his ear, while JD felt his legs tremble.

Maybe it hadn't been a good idea to do it without support, but he couldn't formulate meaningful sentences at the time, with Perry leaning against him kissing his shoulder and stroking his cock so fast. JD closed his eyes, feeling every inch of Perry's skin under his fingers, moving his hand even faster. "Oh _God_!"

"JD..." Perry's hoarse voice pierced his bones. "JD"

Being called by his name was enough for JD to feel close to the end -an embarrassing time for a handjob, but none of his fantasies could compare to... that-.

"Perry" He hoped to have the same effect on him, but the sound that came from his lips seemed like a yelp. Anyway, Perry didn't seem to notice, or maybe it didn't matter. He took him by the head with his free hand and kissed him passionately.

After a few moments, they both came panting and sweating.

Perry stroked the back of his neck, letting JD lean against his chest.

"I still can't believe it" He heard him say.

JD chuckled. "Me neither."

Perry took his face gently with both hands.

"I have to tell you something, Newbie"

JD nodded.

"You don't have to say it back, okay? Don't do that if you don't feel like it " Perry smiled. "I love you, JD. And I'm sorry if I tell you just now, I'm an idiot, but- "

JD found himself in Perry's bed with his heart racing, the sheet dirty with scum.

"Oh shit" he said aloud. He looked around for the phone: he had to call him. To call himself. Perry Cox had told him he loved him. He hadn't dreamed it. It had happened. He was so happy that he was going to cry.

He heard a key turn in the lock. It couldn't have been Perry; JD didn't have the keys. Which only led to one person...

"Perry? Are you there?" Jordan's voice, albeit faint, made him jump.

"Coming!" He exclaimed, trying to get dressed as soon as he could.

When he left the room, Jordan was waiting for him in the living room with one hand on her belly. A _big_ belly.

JD felt sweat drops form on his forehead. It couldn't be Perry's, right? He hadn't been with Jordan since he'd met him. Not that JD knew. And he told him he loved him. It wasn’t possible that…

"Jordan, I'm-"

She swallowed. "Perry, it's yours."

A blink of an eye and JD was in his bed. In his hands, he had his journal. On the page of that day, Perry had written: _Today my Soul-Mate and I kissed -and did much more-. Oh, Dr. Cox is so sexy. It’s the most beautiful day of my miserable life!_

His writing was still a mass of small and almost incomprehensible letters.

If JD hadn't lived those last two minutes, he would have embraced his journal with a stupid smile on his lips.

Instead, he tore up the page and started sobbing.

*

The next day Perry had woken up with a terrible headache.

The roller coaster of the night before had had its effect.

He could not stop thinking about the fact that he was about to become a father. A father.

Perry sighed. He had never wanted children: he preferred to ruin the lives of as few people as possible, and having him as a father meant condemning the boy -it was a boy, yes- to sadness, anger and frustration for at least eighteen years. Neither Jordan nor he intended to get back together: it would have been just for the baby, and they would have added another burden of heaviness to his life that hadn't even started. Perry hadn’t had a happy childhood: within himself, he knew that all that aversion to parenting was not given by the fact that the newborns were the works of Satan -that is, they were, but it extended to any living human being- but how much more to fear. Fear of being like who he once called dad. Fear of awake memories that he thought were buried in his head.

And then, of course, there was JD.

Now Perry clearly saw how much he wanted and desired what had happened yesterday. JD had waited for him; he had also waited for Perry kiss him as much as he wanted. He was incredulous, completely overwhelmed with joy: Perry could close his eyes and see him again. He loved him, and that truth had come to him gently, without him being upset by it. Without the need to hear him say he felt the same. That was enough for him. Loving him was enough. It was as if it was the only thing he was sure of. He loved him. 

Maybe that was the way it was, with your Soul-Mate.

Seeing him after what had happened was like a punch in the stomach.

"Newbie" Perry looked more desperate than he wanted. "We need to talk"

JD sighed. "About what?"

Perry saw his hands, holding the folder, shaking. He swallowed.

"You know about what" he said.

JD nodded, without saying anything. Perry tried to take his wrist with his hand, but he dodged it.

"Don’t touch me." He whispered, looking around.

Perry swallowed again as he followed JD into an empty room.

He locked it before turning to look at him.

"Speak."

“JD, what happened yesterday with Jordan doesn't change anything. She and I won't be back together. I wanted to make it extra-clear." Perry thought it sounded better, as a speech, when he said it in front of the mirror that morning. “Yesterday, it was beautiful. I don't want to... ruin anything between us."

"You said you loved me" He said dryly. "Was that a lie?"

Perry took a step in his direction. JD stepped back. "No" He had to sound pathetic, because his voice was shaking. "No, it wasn’t. How can you think so?"

JD looked at him coldly. Only then Perry noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He hadn't slept. "How can I think so?” He snapped, his voice rising in anger. He was angry. "Maybe I think so because you slept with her?"

Perry opened his mouth, but no sound came out. "I... it was eight months ago"

"Yeah" JD chuckled, running a hand over his face. “While I was being stupid thinking that we were building something, you slept with your ex-wife. While I refused _everyone_ because I thought I was cheating on you. How many times, Perry? "

"JD, we weren't together, I-"

"But you knew _who I was_! You knew it, and you didn't say _anything_! Why didn't you tell me to drop it? Why?" He was upset. Perry had never seen him like that.

He reminded him of himself. Maybe it was that, the effect that his body did JD: while Perry took, every time, a little freedom, trust, lightness, JD poisoned himself. He was poisoning him.

"I don't know" he admitted. "JD, please" He reached out a hand in his direction to touch his face. To really feel it. The last time.

Again, he dodged it.

"I told you not to touch me." He said, his voice breaking. “I have nothing to do with you, Perry. With all of you."

He saw him tremble, his teeth chattering as if he was in the middle of a snowstorm.

Perry couldn't say anything.

He had to watch him open the door and walk away.

He thought about how fragile JD was, when he kissed him. How afraid he was of breaking him.

And an awareness shook him.

He had done it. He had broken him.

*

Focusing on anything having the image of Perry completely destroyed in the head was one of the hardest things JD had ever done. He did not know how he managed to remain firm on his decision, when he had looked at him as if his life depended on his words. But JD had been thinking about it all night. He wasn't sure what he was for Perry, but he knew perfectly well what Perry was for him. His figure was fundamental in JD's life: he relied on him.

No matter how hard he tried, giving credit to his words was a feat: perhaps, indeed, he had certainly only made fun of him, even if he didn't know exactly why he would have done it. Maybe for sex. Maybe because he enjoyed keeping JD on hold, thinking he would wait for him forever. The worst part is that JD would have waited for him forever. He couldn't think of another person to stand by in his life.

But if that person had disappointed him, making sure he didn't find out about Jordan, he didn't know if he was really the right person for him.

Even if it was his Soul-Mate.

JD had never thought, before that day, that he could have anything with Perry, but a small part of him hoped for it, and every time they exchanged bodies he could not help but be happy.

Now he had more or less a confirmation, a crack. Whether it was true that he loved him or not. But he couldn't, not now that Perry had a family he wasn't part of. His parents had separated when JD was a child, and he would have done anything to avoid that condition for a baby not even born. Especially if it was Perry's baby.

He would have ignored it. Forget it.

Someone behind him whistled.

"Isabel!" He exclaimed, making JD jump. "Did you go check your patients?"

"No, sir" JD lowered his head. This was what awaited him. And he had wanted it.

"And what are you waiting for?"

"JD, it won't work if you try to think of him that hard" Carla said, looking at him with a raised eyebrow while JD, with his eyes closed and fingers on his temples, wrinkled his nose toconcentrate better.

"Seven days, Carla” He said, sighing, as he opened his eyes and took a pen to mark the dose of painkillers to prescribe to his new patient. "Nothing"

"I would be surprised otherwise" The nurse replied, dryly. "He told you that nothing would change and you... have you changed your mind now?"

JD swallowed. He knew that Carla was right.

"No. I just want to see how he's doing."

"Why don't you ask him?"

"Because he would kill me" He complained. "I think he really hates me now"

"I can’t blame him" Carla commented. 

JD glanced at her.

*

"Hi"

Perry raised his head. JD, in his body, sat next to him.

"I found myself in the bar below." He began, as if Perry didn't know. “I realized there was something wrong. You usually drink at your house." He hinted at a chuckle. Perry raised both eyebrows.

"Do you come here often?" He asked, looking at the panorama from the roof of the hospital.

"Just…recently"

Perry nodded. "Right."

“It was strange. You know, for two weeks... "

"Hard to think of _anyone_ when you find out you're going to be a father." Perry interrupted him. He didn't need the kid's pity.

"I guess so." JD sighed. "So, are you okay?" He added when he realized that Perry was not going to continue the conversation.

Perry smiled, shaking his head. "I don't think you'll leave if I say yes, right?"

"You said it" He heard him chuckle.

Looking at the sky at night was relaxing. He had never noticed it. JD was a romantic guy. It didn't surprise him that he liked being up there.

"I am quite confident that I'm gonna be an absolutely horrible father"

JD was silent for a few seconds. "That's all?"

Perry nodded. "That's all"

The kid might have asked him what he had to do with it and why he was thinking of him, but he didn't. Perry was grateful for that to him.

"You are gonna be a great father" He whispered instead.

"Really?" JD smiled and Perry was struck by how different that smile was from his. How much the difference was noticeable only by the way they folded their lips. “You are always there when we need you.I think you have this fathering thing going down. You worry, you care about others. It is a good thing for a father. Even if you don't like others to know it "

Perry didn't know what to say. He lowered his head to JD's shoulder, and he offered no resistance. It was as if they were in another dimension, completely disconnected from the real world. It always happened when they were alone. The karaoke, the drive, all the times he found himself having to encourage him in the last year and a half, the mental space...

They returned to their bodies in time for Perry's pager to ring.

He glanced at it and nearly risked a heart attack.

"The labor" he stammered. "She..."

JD smiled as when he had kissed him. "Congratulations."

Seeing his son born was surely the greatest joy in Perry's life.

Jack was healthy, and Jordan was fine too.

Dr. Donna Berlutti -o Dr. Pipsqueack, as Perry nicknamed her- smiled at him as she put Jack in his arms.

He had seen other babies in his life, of course, but he felt that Jack was different the exact moment he saw him open his eyes.

"Hey," He whispered to him. "Hi, Jack"

He touched his cheek with his forefinger, and he opened his mouth.

Perry felt his heart full of joy. He was still worried, the ghost of his childhood weighed on his shoulders ready to haunt him at the first mistake he would make. And he would have made many, but at that moment it didn't matter.

Only Jack mattered.

His son.

He was a father.

*

JD didn't know how long he had been there to watch them. The labor had lasted several hours, and he had waited wandering in the hospital despite his shift being long over. Perry looked a completely different person as he looked at his son. He had something in his eyes that JD had never seen: devotion, complete, total. He felt a rush of pride go through his chest. He liked to think it was also a bit because of him.

Perry, perhaps feeling observed, looked up at him.

And JD felt horrible, because pride was quickly replaced by sadness.

He put his hand on the glass, knowing that if he held his gaze for a few more minutes he would burst into tears.

He had a spasm when he found himself having to support Perry's son.

Luckily, he managed not to drop him. He blinked, caught his breath.

He put the baby back in the crib when he noticed that Perry was gone.

He rushed out of the room, and saw himself walking away. Suddenly, he understood what Perry had felt two weeks before.

"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice cracked.

He turned and, for a moment, JD saw him. His jaw tight, his way of touching his nose before crossing his arms... it was him.

"I'm running away." He said, with all the simplicity with which such a sentence could be said. "I’m you, aren’t I?"

JD felt the tears threaten to come out. He just wanted Perry to have a happy family, without anyone getting in his way. Especially him.

And he had never run away.

He would never have had the heart to do it.

They stayed a few moments like this, still, looking at each other. JD felt a lump in his throat that prevented him from speaking, and he could only look at Perry, in his body, which for once seemed to be really collapsing, as he loosened his hands in front of his chest, and his face was distorted in an expression that JD could not decipher. He did not have his usual little smile, nor the bold air to which JD was accustomed: in fact, they really seemed themselves, at that moment, both stripped of those bodies that already bore a name, an attitude, a behavior, a role.

Or maybe JD was just thinking too much, slipping into another of his daydreams. Still, he looked at the figure in front of him and all he saw was his Soul-Mate, Perry.

The older one turned again, and an awareness struck JD like a train: he felt free too. Perry had told him more than a year ago that he felt free when he was in his body. JD hadn't understood, told him he felt important, and it was true; but now it was clear what he meant.

Before he could scream it to him, though, he was back in his body and he was really running away.

*

Perry had taken a few days off after Jack was born. He had told Jordan to stay, until he got back to work, to help her with the baby and spend some time with him, since he would only see him three days a week since then.

He and Jordan had decided not to complicate the situation and not to bring lawyers in the middle, for Jack’s sake. It was going well.

That night, Jack was unable to sleep. Perry decided to go outside, so as not to disturb Jordan, and put him in the car seat. The baby continued to cry, and Perry was about to burst. As he drove, he couldn't help thinking about how bad a father was proving himself. His son was crying and he was unable to make him stop. He had fed him, changed his diaper, rocked him. Nothing.

Without realizing it, he drove under JD's house.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

The fourth one, he found himself in the kid's room as he embraced the tear-wet pillow.

Without even thinking about dressing, he went out in the middle of the night.

Jack.

JD had pulled over, and was holding Jack in his arms. Jack who was fine. Jack who wasn’t crying.

As soon as he saw him, he smiled and opened the door for him.

"I've been trying to make him stop for hours." Perry sighed, sitting down in the passenger seat.

JD looked at Perry’s son with a sweetness that made Perry's legs tremble.

"He just wanted a little pampering," he whispered as he put a finger under his chin. Jack grabbed it, his hand was all over Perry's forefinger. Even if that was JD.

Maybe that was why Jack had calmed down. Because it wasn't him.

"I'm sorry" he said, still looking at them with his mouth open.

"Are you joking? Don't even say it." JD looked so confident there. Perry still felt his cheeks wet with tears, but both he and JD pretended nothing, even though Perry understood that he was the cause of that cry. The _I’m sorry_ was for that, too. He hoped JD would know. And for the hospital, too. Seeing Jack in JD's arms, that day, just made him crazy, imaging all that they would have had, if only...

"What's his name?" JD asked, his voice incredibly lower. It was like Perry was already forgiven. 

Perry was suddenly awakened from his thoughts. His son had fallen asleep. "Jack"

JD smiled. "It's a nice name." Then he turned to the baby, his voice reduced to a faint whisper again. "Go to daddy, okay, Jack?"

The kid passed Jack to him without thinking what he had said, Perry sensed it.

He said nothing. Jack was calm, sleeping like an angel.

"I..." JD stammered, realizing his words at that moment.

"It's all right, Newbie." Perry shut him up, trying to sound sweet. He was not irritated. If everything had gone as he would have liked, that scene would have happened even without body-swap thing.

"Can you stay with us? For a while?" Perry tried to hide the hope in his voice and not seem completely desperate, but it was difficult. JD's voice hid nothing. JD hid nothing.

"Yeah. Sure."

And he did it.

Even after they returned to their bodies, and Jack slept in JD's womb again, he remained silent in Perry's car.

*

"I can't go on like this," JD snapped.

He had been feeling that boulder on his chest for days. It was torn.

He thought that nothing would change because, after all, he never had Perry. It had never been his. Before _that_ day, JD was resigned.

But that sort of dream, what had happened... he could not pretend anything.

"I will change department. Hospital. City!"

"Now you're being over dramatic” Turk raised an eyebrow as Carla sat on his lap. JD woke them up as soon as he got home, got out of Perry's car. Fortunately, he was too upset because his friends yelled at him for being thrown out of bed in the middle of the night.

"Bambi, I'm so sorry," Carla said, reaching out a hand on his leg, squeezing it a little. “I think you should talk to him. Tell him how you feel."

"He'll think I'm crazy!" He exclaimed, putting his hands on her face. "I told him horrible things!"

"Well, he has told you some horrible things, too, in the last year and a half" Turk said. “You know I like Perry, I've always told you. And when he's here, in your body, it’s great and we hang out a lot. But he's an asshole. "

JD sighed. "I don't think he's my Soul-Mate"

He said it without thinking. Those words sounded strange in his mouth.

"There must have been a mistake."

"JD, there are no mistakes on these kind of things" Carla said to him, suddenly worried. "Please, don't even think about it"

“There are _always_ mistakes on these kind of things. Like that guy who committed suicide while he was in his girlfriend's body!"

"He was a maniac, JD" Turk interrupted him. "You should just talk to Perry"

"Yeah," Carla agreed. "You can't compare..."

“He has a son, Carla! He doesn't care about me, or he wouldn't even have get married! "

"Why are you thinking about it now? You knew he had an ex-wife! " Turk put a hand on his shoulder. "VB, you're just scared. That baby got you out of your mind"

JD knew Turk was right. He leaned against him, and Carla ruffled his hair.

“It's normal, Bambi. But if he has a son, it doesn't mean you have a son too "

"His name is Jack," he said with a dreamy smile, thinking back to when he had held him in his arms and had only calmed him by swinging him a little. "It looks so much like him."

"Come on, JD" Turk cut short. "I'll take you to bed"

JD soon discovered that it was easier said than done.

The following day, he was more than determined to wipe Perry Cox out of his life once and for all. He had a day off from work, so he reread the diary of that year and a half, and tore up all the pages where Perry was even named. He was doing it for both of them, he told himself. They deserved to find someone who was suitable for them. And who had decided that all of the Soul-Mates should be together? It was just a stupid convention. They hadn't chosen to find themselves in each other's body and, if JD wouldn’t think about it ever again, it would never happen again.

*

Perry felt strange all day.

He didn't know what the reason was. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but it felt to him like a piece of him was failing. It was like the phantom limb: something was missing, but he still felt pain.

When he said that to Carla, partly as a joke, partly because he was really worried, she raised both eyebrows.

"You and Bambi haven't exchanged bodies since last night, have you?"

He wondered how Carla knew about the night before, and he was embarrassed, but he managed to shook his head.

"Good" he commented, but there was something wrong.

Had something happened to JD? If so, he would never have forgiven himself. He had to calm down, though. If JD had been in trouble, Carla would have told him.

But later, the pain inside him increased and he couldn't help but go to surgery, hoping that Gandhi would help me.

"What happened to JD?"

The surgeon looked at him dumbfounded. "Nothing. Why?"

"I don’t know. I don't feel well, and Carla asked me about him. But maybe it's nothing."

Turk frowned. "What's the problem?"

"I feel like I've lost a piece," Perry explained, hoping he wouldn't seem out of his mind. "But... it hurts. As if something had broken- "

Suddenly, it was in JD's body, sitting on his sofa. He sighed. JD was fine.

But it took a few seconds for him to understand why he felt so strange all day.

He could not move.

He was paralyzed.

*

"Turk!" JD exclaimed as soon as he opened his eyes and found himself in front of him. "Dude, I can't stop thinking about him" He said, looking himself from head to toe.

His friend seemed worried. "JD, did something happen?"

"What? No” He shook his head, genuinely confused.

“Perry was strange. He was just talking to me about you. Maybe you should go check it out "

JD swallowed. Strange? Had it to do something with what JD did?

And didn't the body-swap depend on their feelings, on their bond? That was why JD hadn't been able to take control right away, because Perry wouldn't let him, because he thought the Soul-Mates story was bullshit.

It was as if a light bulb lit up on JD's head. "I have to go!"

He ran to the exit, bumping into Kelso who yelled at him that his turn was not over yet.

He took the Porsche, violated the speed limits with his heart pounding in his head.

When he got to his house, nobody opened it. But JD -or better, Perry- didn't have the keys.

"Perry!" Scream. "Perry!"

No reply.

For once, JD was grateful not to be in his body and gave the door a shoulder. He felt it tremble. "C’mon!" He grunted as he gave another one.

"Perry, I'm here!" He felt anger rise inside him, he kicked the door dry, then he gave it another shoulder.

Finally, he unhinged it.

Perry was still on the couch, as JD had left his body, while watching _Gilmore girls_.

"Perry" he whispered, relieved. But when he came to him, he realized with horror that his mouth was open, but no sound came out. He blinked obsessively. It was a horrible sight.

"No, no, no," JD repeated, falling on his body, knowing better than anyone else how he should feel in there. "It's all my fault," he said, only being able to look at his own frightened eyes.

"It's my fault" JD kept saying. "Perry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have... I didn't want to..."

JD saw him jerk his head back, before closing his eyes.

He didn’t have time to scream that he found himself wandering in the dark. Perry was sitting where JD remembered sitting long ago. Even if all the darkness was the same there.

"JD!" He called out to him, and the younger one could hear the fright in his broken voice. "JD!"

"I'm here, I'm here." He rushed in front of him, kneeling.

"I can't move, JD" Perry had tears in his eyes, his face distorted. His words echoed in that empty black space.

"It's all right." JD ran a hand through his curly hair, offering him a smile. "Can you feel me?"

He nodded, and they both went back in time, JD was sure of it.

“Perry, listen to me. I'm here, right now." Perry lowered his forehead to JD's shoulder, who closed his eyes as he hugged him, and for once felt him small, very small, against him.

His Soul-Mate began to sob, shaken by tremors.

"It's all right" he repeated. "Breathe. Breathe with me "

So he did. With each breath, JD felt his heart less heavy.

He wiped Perry's cheeks with his thumbs, looking into his eyes.

“I'm sorry, Perry. I'm sorry.” He couldn't stop saying it.

He shook his head. "It's not your fault."

"It is," JD chuckled, to see that he was the usual stubborn again. "If I had told you the truth, nothing of this would have happened"

"What truth?" Perry gave him a questioning look.

JD nodded.

"I love you. Really. And I love Jack too. And I'm sorry. And it's all my fault. "

Perry froze for a moment, but JD could still read joy in his eyes. He took his face in his hands, and kissed him.

When they returned to their bodies, facing each other, there was no need for them to say anything.

And when he really kissed him, JD felt the fireworks in his stomach.

*

"Good morning"

JD stretched over Perry's body. "Mmmmh, 'morning" he murmured. The older one smiled, stroking his hair. In the morning, without all those products to keep them on, they were less sticky and extremely soft. "Did you sleep well, Newbie?"

"It was the best sleep of my life" The kid said. "Could it be because I slept with you?"

Perry rolled his eyes. "God, I think I will have diabetes to have you around."

JD punched him jokingly on his chest. "You didn't think so last night," He pointed out. "God, JD, Newbie, go on, go on, ah yeah, just like that, oh my god, I love you, aaaaaaaaaah, oh my god, just like that, JD, JD!" He imitated him, holding back a laugh. Perry, in a feline move, put the kid under him.

JD looked at him with shining eyes, unable to hold a pout.

"Try to say it again." Perry challenged him, smirking.

"Oh my God JD, those lips, those lips, I love you so much, oh yes, yes, yes, now it’s even better than the mental space, oh my God JD, I am going to come just for a blowjob, I am the most embarrassing person on earth!" JD closed his eyes, this time bursting into laughter.

"Little bastard." Perry leaned over him, biting his ear.

"Ouch!" JD complained. "I told you no bites"

"You're boring." Perry took his chin in one hand, forcing him to kiss him.

Well, perhaps _forcing_ wasn't the right word.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to anyone who read the story. I've been working on it for almost a month, so feedback is really important to me.  
> I'd love to hear your opinion, I really want to write more about these two but sometimes I feel like I'm writing for the void.  
> So yeah, hope you like it!


End file.
